ignorance
is
your
new
best friend
This is the best thing that could have happened
Hello and welcome :D Click on the 'Ignorance is your new best friend' to navigate around, kay? :)Do remember this area is NON-navigational :P
True enough
“Behind every beautiful thing there is some kind of pain.”
— bob dylan
RI(with the double N)A :D
I'm Syarinna Mohamad, 19 years old. Schooling at Ngee Ann Poly in engineering course. A yogi, bookworm and music lover. I love God, my family and close friends. Got any questions for me? Spill it at formspring.me/hardcandy57 Do make a short trip at my tumblr's account, lettheflamebegin.tumblr.com
Monday, September 21, 2009, 11:26 PM
This is going to be a long entry. I don't mind if you want to read it or not. But you have to know one thing. That typing works like therapy to me. And I'm not crazy for doing this. I just feel really good letting my deepest feeling out sometimes. I don't know how to begin but i feel a huge urge to let this one out. I really don't know. I'm in turmoil over this situation. I kept this problem as a secret for so many months now but after last two days incident, i know i have to talk about it. I need to let my emotion out on the dilemma I'm facing. So here it goes... I'm not a perfect human being. I have my own flaws. But i always make it a compulsory to perform this belief in my daily life which is to be a good person and treat every human being with kindness. To me, there are no such thing as having an enemy and I don't regard anyone as my enemy. Even though there are some who tried to make my life difficult or misery, i would talk it out to my trust/loved ones. and then I'm so over it. I don't live in this world to hate. I don't have the time to spread hatred to other people. So if you think i hate you, well, i think you did too much judgement cause i don't and i never will. And if there are any haters or people out there who regard me as their enemy, oh well you know what, i don't want to know about it cause i don't really care and if you come around here, i still treat you like every person i met, and that is with kindness. Most of these people left scars that faded with time but for these particular person she left a permanent scar in me. I know it's so sad. But life like that. I can't please everyone. There are going to be people who will not like me for who I am or I don't know for whatever reason. You know, I'm a girl, I can sense these jealousy and hatred kind of feeling. I trust my intuition. No doubt, these people makes you feel really bad about yourself and they have a negative vibe every time you are around them. They make you feel that you are at the most lowest point of your life. It's obvious. I felt that way every time she's around. I try being a friend to her, try talking, try everything but seriously this person, i don't know what's her problem and I'm sick and tired of trying, and getting pain in return. It's such a sad situation cause you know, as girls we should be looking out for one another, helping out each other and strengthening our sisterhood bond despite the fact that we are strangers. so school was out many weeks ago and i felt like an escape prisoner. Don't get me wrong. I loved school. School has been good to me. Its just by knowing the fact that i never have to see her face or feel her cold presence anymore during these period of time that I felt happy. Really happy. Life was kind and I got her totally out of my mind and I enjoyed my time with my loved ones until the night before Raya festive. Out of the blue, she text me. I'm not going to type down the whole message that she sent me. It's confidential and I respect her privacy. But, obviously, it was a festive related message. Anyway what i can say is that she acknowledged me as her friend which surprised me because we never talk and i never felt like we were friend ever. Stranger, yes. But the thing that got me so mad was that it was a day before Raya and so she took the advantage to seek for forgiveness. At the beginning, she tried to bring me down and when school ends and comes the Festive season, she's seeking forgiveness for all her wrongs. Wow. So, was that part of your entire plan? I mean after all the months of dealing with her attitude almost everyday in school and how she drained me emotionally. It is so unfair for her to put me in this situation, like a text message can make any different to the months of her shits i need to deal with. You got to do more than that girl! So, what exactly was she expecting from me in return, a reply message that says the same thing. Maybe she does really mean what she said and thought that she was really mean to me all along so she had to say her sorry. But come on, this is hard for me, you know. If you were in my shoes, you would understand. I know you guys might say that it is the festive season, i might as well forgive and forget and this is like a small issue and i shouldn't be so dramatic and all that but when i think back on all the stuff that i went through which were related to her, all of the unnecessary pressure, tears, ignorance, cold shoulder, cold look, and the long essay that i wrote down about her to let my anger out once in a while, questions that i kept asking myself with, on why she doin' all these to me and all of it. Do you really think that a return message would compare to it all? I really don't know. maybe this heart is still in a riot so my mind can't think properly. Maybe, i should give myself a bit more time to think wisely. I don't want to rush into things and make silly mistake. Dear God, show me the right path.
You were never a friend to me
You can keep all your misery